How I Rebuilt My Confidence (and How You Can Too, One Brave Step at a Time)
Photo by Tom Cochrane
“Your playing small does not serve the world”
I used to think confidence was something you either had or you didn’t—and wow, did I ever want to have it. In high school, I felt bold, capable, and full of big dreams. I was one of the strongest flutists in my school, and I truly believed the path ahead would unfold smoothly. But when I got to university, something shifted. The pressure, the competition, the silent rules of the classical world—it all started chipping away at me.
In the end, I stepped away from my master’s degree before completing it. My advisor and I were on completely different pages, and the environment around me didn’t feel like it left room for the kind of artist I was becoming. Between the politics and the constant hustle to prove myself, I hit a wall. I felt like a failure. Like everything I’d worked for was unraveling. I put my flute away for six months. I needed space. I needed to find out if music—and I—could still belong together.
Then something beautiful happened. One of my professors—who had given me an A in his class—reached out when he heard I wasn’t coming back. He told me not to give up and suggested I try studying with a different flute teacher: someone nurturing, playful, and open to genre-blending. That small nudge changed the trajectory of my life.
A few months later, I was jamming with any band or songwriter who would have me on that stage. I didn’t want to be behind a music stand anymore—I wanted to shine as a soloist. I wanted to create something original, something alive. And I did.
As I transitioned from classically trained flutist to one-woman flute looping songwriter, I learned that confidence isn’t something handed to you. It’s built. Step by step. Moment by moment.
Like the time I asked indie rock legends Yo La Tengo if I could play flute with them. I almost didn’t ask. I was terrified. But I did it anyway—and they said yes. That moment changed something in me. I realized that every time I put myself out there—even when I got more no’s than yeses—I was growing my confidence muscle.
Confidence doesn’t come from applause or credentials. It comes from doing the brave thing when it would be easier to stay small.
What Helped Me Build Confidence
Confidence is built through action. Not just thinking about doing, but actually doing. Every time you follow through on something you said you’d do—especially when it feels uncomfortable—you strengthen your trust in yourself. That’s where real self-belief lives: in action that matches intention.
Live in integrity. When your choices line up with your values, something inside clicks. You start to trust yourself more. You stop second-guessing. Integrity creates internal safety—like a tuning fork that helps you stay in rhythm with your truth. And when you're in sync with yourself, confidence comes more naturally.
Ask anyway. Even if you think it’s too bold. Even if the answer might be no. Ask to collaborate. Ask to be seen. Let curiosity lead instead of fear.
Track your bold moves. Keep a running list of the moments you showed up for yourself. Doesn’t have to be flashy. Just true. “I asked Yo La Tengo.” “I emailed that venue.” “I spoke up for what I needed.” The more you track these moments, the more you realize—you’re braver than you think.
Set boundaries that honour you. Confidence also means protecting your energy. Saying no when you mean no. Creating space for your creativity, rest, and joy. Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re clarity. They say: this is what I need to thrive.
Don’t take rejection personally. Not everyone will resonate with your work, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. It just means you’re not for them. Keep going. Keep creating.
Let go of the old rules. The systems that made you feel like you weren’t enough? You don’t need to keep playing by them. Trust your own rhythm. Build a world that fits who you are now.
Redefine success. It’s not always about applause or external markers. Sometimes it’s simply feeling proud of how you showed up. Feeling aligned. Feeling free.
Keep practicing. Confidence isn’t a fixed state—it’s a choice you keep making. On the good days and the hard ones. It’s something you return to again and again, building it as you go, one brave step at a time.
Try This: A Small Step That Stretches You
What’s one tiny step that would stretch you this week?
It might be:
Saying no without guilt.
Posting something vulnerable.
Asking for what you really want.
Sharing your work before it feels "ready."
Choose one. Do it. Then notice how it feels afterward. That’s the practice.
Where This All Lands
Some days, I still hear that voice that wonders if I’m cut out for this. But I’ve stopped handing it the mic. Confidence doesn’t just show up—it’s built in real time. In the follow-through. In the boundary. In the moment you show up anyway.
When I honour my word to myself, when I say no to something that drains me, when I follow through on something that stretches me—I strengthen that thread of trust within. And the more I trust myself, the more solid my confidence becomes.
You don’t need to feel fearless. You just need to show up in a way that feels true. Even if you’re trembling inside. Even if you’re not sure what happens next.
Wherever you’re at—figuring it out, starting fresh, picking yourself back up—I hope you keep going.
Your voice matters, even when it’s uncertain. Especially then.
Take the step that feels a little risky. The one that feels like you're growing.
You might be doing way better than you realize.
Rozalind MacPhail is an award-winning musician, inspirational speaker and certified life coach based in St. John’s, Newfoundland and Labrador. One of Canada’s most buzzed about Di Zhao sponsored artists, she’s produced numerous solo albums, composed music for film and toured internationally over the last two decades.
